If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay. I bought a box of condoms earlier today. One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Then I was born. To find out more see our. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party. A penis has a sad life. He was blown away. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at the World Cup – just happy to be there.” – Russell Howard. I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. Enjoy. All sorted from the best by our visitors. Do you want to come to my time machine? I got the bike.” – Jimmy Carr. Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"? The largest collection of dirty one-line jokes in the world. See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. Is your name Tanya? My girlfriend isn't talking to me. See TOP 10 birthday one liners. “My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Her mom responded, “Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!” Maria replied, “See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!”. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually. “Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex and men need to have sex to feel loved, so the basic act of continuing the species requires a lie from one of you.” – Billy Connolly, I nearly lost my job as a roofer when I was caught masturbating on the first day. Doctor: "Next time, take off the candles.". – Gary Delaney, “The annoying thing about Christmas is running out of batteries because the kids want them for their toys. It doesn’t cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord. I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me. 2. The largest collection of Halloween one-line jokes in the world. You agree by closing this box or continuing to use our site. I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. A: Your age You have arrived at old age when all you can put your teeth into... is a glass. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest! Masturbation always leads to sex. Cuz I’m gonna tan ya ass. But you probably can’t tell in these trousers. My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the bonnet of her Honda. See TOP 10 dirty one liners. “Sex is like playing Bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.” – Peter Kay. Do you know a funny one liner? I said, ‘You’re right, it’s supposed to be up the bum! Personally, I think it’s b***ocks.” – Billy Connolly, The young couple next door to me have recently made a sex-tape. She said, “Depends what’s in it for me.”. Enjoy the Dirty Jokes and One liners, No Need to worry just enjoy and leave all your stress in the junk box… Checkout the blow nasty jokes and one liners- ... Birthday Jokes (83) Birthday Jokes for kids (72) Birthday Quotes (4) Blonde Jokes (154) … I was still w***ing.” – Gary Delaney, “Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, ‘I can’t talk now, I’m going into a tunnel.’” – Jimmy Carr. I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn. Just go out and buy her a beautiful new dress and a pearl necklace.”. "How do you breathe through that tiny thing?". Enjoy. So he gives it to her. Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. Frogspawn.” – David Ephgrave, I’ve currently got a stalker. The best way to make your wife scream during sex is to ring her up and tell her where you are. I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small. If you get easily offeneded or need a safe space, these dirty jokes are definitely not for you! A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. Dirty One Liners. It got caught in my throat and all I ended up with was a stiff neck. All sorted from the best by our visitors. I said “no, I’ll just turn the lights off.”, “Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common: they’re the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips.” – Frankie Boyle, The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup. Skip to content. I had to fast-forward through the boring bit at the beginning. My blood type is B Negative. Sex! Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns, We use cookies for analytics, advertising and to improve user experience. We stop somewhere between ’68 and ’70, “Not all sexual experiences have to be filled with anger. I was born to be a pessimist. 1. I saw a dildo the other day described as “nine inches long and realistic”. It’s a gateway tug. “Not a problem,” he replies. Do you need a stud in your life? See TOP 10 Halloween one liners. The largest collection of birthday one-line jokes in the world. The guy goes, ‘So you can put it up yourself?’ I said, ‘No, I was thinking the living room.” – Gary Delaney, I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said I ruined her birthday. After work the man races home and showers his wife with gifts. “I lost my virginity under a bridge. Patient: "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning. Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother.". I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you. The largest collection of age one-line jokes in the world. Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. I didn't even know it was her birthday. Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!” Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”, I got a DVD on how to improve your foreplay. Absolutely hillarious dirty one-liners! – Gary Delaney. Enjoy the Dirty Jokes and One liners, No Need to worry just enjoy and leave all your stress in the junk box… Checkout the blow nasty jokes and one liners-, Wedding Anniversary Wishes for Wife (Updated), Happy New Year Greetings, Status, Wishes , Messages. I'm emotionally constipated. She said, “Sex! When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it.
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