How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed? The reception was brilliant. 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips I hardly ever visit Syria.” – Alex Horne, “A spa hotel? ‘Well he can take his hat off for a start!’” – Paul Merton, “Normally you have news, weather and travel. Well, in that case, here is why you should know about the classic insults that the British used to resort to. MEGA MORON AWARDS Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. Things got a little tense. The friend replies, "Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment. Enjoy a wide variety of funny Christian jokes, good clean jokes, and family safe jokes and religious humor. Are the smoggy-days in the Capital turning you into a person with zero tolerance for nonsense? He said: “Those are pickled onions.”. 41 of David Mitchell’s funniest jokes and quotes This vinegar’s got lumps in it”. 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 100 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny The best Graham Norton jokes and most scathing put-downs
50 of the best lines from Peep Show My colleague can no longer attend next week’s Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead. 49 of Monty Python’s funniest jokes When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. 20 of The Young Ones’ most gloriously silly quotes. Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, ... “Crime in multi-storey car parks. The chemist says, ‘Do you want it scented?’ You win the bronze, you think, ‘at least I got something.’ But you win that silver, that’s like, ‘Congratulations, you almost won! Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? 38 of the most darkly funny League of Gentlemen quotes Four fonts walk into a bar. The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes It was a shitzu. 26 of Sara Pascoe’s funniest jokes and quotes Here are 10 of the funniest jokes written by kids 30 of Stephen Fry’s funniest jokes and quotes Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms.” – Phil Wang, “If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been ‘It’s round. I find them quite re-markable.
26 of Stewart Lee’s most gloriously acerbic jokes
51 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding, I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.
The 31 funniest South Park jokes and quotes He was too clothes minded. And unlike us, who think of things to say hours after somebody made a jibe at us, these guys wasted no time. “It’s not unusual,” he replied. ‘Hey, if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock, “Love is like a fart. No one lost ahead of you!’” – Jerry Seinfeld, “We weren’t very religious. '” – Stewart Francis, “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us.
One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. He has 48 per cent of popular vote, Nutritionist suggests foods you should not eat before going to bed, iPhone 12: Five things you should try as soon as you set up your phone, Ramnath Goenka Excellence in Journalism Awards, Statutory provisions on reporting (sexual offenses), This website follows the DNPA’s code of conduct. 31 Richard Madeley quotes, gaffes and surreal moments that prove he truly is Alan Partridge 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier – Eric Lampaert.
I found out she was seeing someone on the side. If you've already finished watching the second season of Amazon Prime Video's crime thriller and looking for shows to fill the Mirzapur void, you're at the right place. 27 of Sarah Millican’s laugh out loud jokes 30 of Romesh Ranganathan’s funniest jokes and quotes I said: “Are you two an item?”. 38 of the funniest Russell Howard jokes All rights reserved. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners 100 best Christmas jokes and funniest festive season one-liners It’s a giraffe, mate. I’ve lost three days already. It was Wedgie Kray.
She complains about the high cost of living.
Reason being, things work.” – Henning When, “I’m learning the hokey cokey. A milk shake!
Used to take it to the pictures and that. A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, "How long have you been wearing that bra?" 12 BRUTAL one-liner insults that are WITTY and CLASSY! I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. 34 of the best Valentine’s Day jokes and funniest one-liners We don’t want your type in here.”.
I backed a horse last week at 10 to one. 31 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race? I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. I’m in a great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a year’s supply of Marmite – one jar.
Clean jokes, funny jokes, free jokes, and clean crime jokes and humor about cime, criminals, jailbreaks, and more. I said, ‘One minute I’m on the phone. He’s all right now.
50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners It came in at quarter past four.
Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.” – Sarah Millican, “My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. And that’s just in the hot dogs.” – David Letterman, “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. 41 of Stewart Francis’ most ingenious jokes and one-liners
Went to the doctors and said: “Have you got anything for wind?” He gave me a kite. Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. Well if that’s true, what do you think smoking cannabis does?” – Mickey P Kerr, “How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?…. Because they might peel! She said, ‘Two or three’.
38 of the funniest Ron Swanson quotes that made Parks and Recreation unmissable
I was having dinner with a world chess champion and there was a check tablecloth. Ground beef!
Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed.” – Josie Long, “The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.” – Demetri Martin, “I was in my car driving back from work.
He sent in 10 different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Not all of it. 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes The quicker the humor the more sharp it may be and the quicker at making us laugh! About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. 25 of Peter Kay’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners We couldn’t afford a dog.” – Gary Delaney, “Two fish in a tank. The world’s best comedians have said these sickest one liners. The barman says: “Oi – get out.
What did one plate say to the other plate?
Police One-Liners - Funny One-Liners Jokes.
I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldn’t find any.
Paul Merton’s 36 best jokes and funniest one-liners from Have I Got News for You 100 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. "When I was a girl, you could go out with a shilling and come back home with a dozen eggs, two pints of milk, a pound of bacon, half a pound of tea and a fresh chicken.
25 of Dara Ó Briain’s best jokes and funniest quotes Now I can ride a motorbike, how’s that going to help?” 105 of the best clean jokes and one-liners
The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did.
A field of corn. I hate necks.” – Steve Martin, “I have a lot of growing up to do. '” – Peter Kay, “I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. What has ears but cannot hear?
To the moo-vies! Are people around you getting on your nerves while you are wondering what to respond with as a comeback? (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera). That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap. I can hardly contain myself. It can only become stairs. 105 of the best bad jokes
Morons. The barman says: “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”, A jumplead walks into a bar. We could even take a leaf from their book, if nothing else. Burt Reynolds’ greatest quotes – remembering the actor’s wit and wisdom following his death aged 82 Are the smoggy-days in the Capital turning you into a person with zero tolerance for nonsense? Enjoy a wide variety of funny Christian jokes, good clean jokes, and family safe jokes and religious humor. An investigator! none. ", Two dyslexic bank robbers run into a bank shouting: "air in the hands mother stickers, this is a f*** up!".
A man entered a local paper’s pun contest. Editorial: Bihar desperately needs jobs and incomes.
It's a good story, but is it a joke? “Doc, I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass Of Home.” He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” I asked. 38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes So enjoy this collection of 80 funny one liners! I recently heard about a mannequin that lost all of his friends. 35 of Blackadder’s most cunning quips and insults
Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer’s 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes Your head hits the ceiling! It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.” – Joe Lycett, “My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. Clean Christian jokes, funny jokes, free jokes, and clean one-liner jokes and words of wit and wisdom. ‘Would you buy a second-hand car from this man?’ they asked. I’m on a whisky diet.
A skeleton walks into a bar.
I’m reading a horror story in Braille. 25 of Charlie Brooker’s most cutting jokes and insults If you have to force it it’s probably s***.” – Stephen K. Amos, “I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. I went to the doctors the other day and he said: “Go to Bournemouth, it’s great for flu.” So I went – and I got it. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
In that case, give me a Kyle!”. 12 BRUTAL one-liner insults that are WITTY and CLASSY! What do you call an alligator in a vest? 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland – from Scotland, 29 best Gavin and Stacey quotes and funniest jokes from James Corden and Ruth Jones’ comedy Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
50 football jokes to make you laugh – or groan I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything – trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
What do you call a cow on a trampoline? Why did the man run around his bed? 11 Best Comedian One Liners.
I can change.”. I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.” – Tommy Cooper, “A man walks into a chemist’s and says, ‘Can I have a bar of soap, please?’
How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed? The reception was brilliant. 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips I hardly ever visit Syria.” – Alex Horne, “A spa hotel? ‘Well he can take his hat off for a start!’” – Paul Merton, “Normally you have news, weather and travel. Well, in that case, here is why you should know about the classic insults that the British used to resort to. MEGA MORON AWARDS Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. Things got a little tense. The friend replies, "Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment. Enjoy a wide variety of funny Christian jokes, good clean jokes, and family safe jokes and religious humor. Are the smoggy-days in the Capital turning you into a person with zero tolerance for nonsense? He said: “Those are pickled onions.”. 41 of David Mitchell’s funniest jokes and quotes This vinegar’s got lumps in it”. 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 100 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny The best Graham Norton jokes and most scathing put-downs
50 of the best lines from Peep Show My colleague can no longer attend next week’s Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead. 49 of Monty Python’s funniest jokes When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. 20 of The Young Ones’ most gloriously silly quotes. Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, ... “Crime in multi-storey car parks. The chemist says, ‘Do you want it scented?’ You win the bronze, you think, ‘at least I got something.’ But you win that silver, that’s like, ‘Congratulations, you almost won! Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? 38 of the most darkly funny League of Gentlemen quotes Four fonts walk into a bar. The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes It was a shitzu. 26 of Sara Pascoe’s funniest jokes and quotes Here are 10 of the funniest jokes written by kids 30 of Stephen Fry’s funniest jokes and quotes Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms.” – Phil Wang, “If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been ‘It’s round. I find them quite re-markable.
26 of Stewart Lee’s most gloriously acerbic jokes
51 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding, I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.
The 31 funniest South Park jokes and quotes He was too clothes minded. And unlike us, who think of things to say hours after somebody made a jibe at us, these guys wasted no time. “It’s not unusual,” he replied. ‘Hey, if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock, “Love is like a fart. No one lost ahead of you!’” – Jerry Seinfeld, “We weren’t very religious. '” – Stewart Francis, “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us.
One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. He has 48 per cent of popular vote, Nutritionist suggests foods you should not eat before going to bed, iPhone 12: Five things you should try as soon as you set up your phone, Ramnath Goenka Excellence in Journalism Awards, Statutory provisions on reporting (sexual offenses), This website follows the DNPA’s code of conduct. 31 Richard Madeley quotes, gaffes and surreal moments that prove he truly is Alan Partridge 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier – Eric Lampaert.
I found out she was seeing someone on the side. If you've already finished watching the second season of Amazon Prime Video's crime thriller and looking for shows to fill the Mirzapur void, you're at the right place. 27 of Sarah Millican’s laugh out loud jokes 30 of Romesh Ranganathan’s funniest jokes and quotes I said: “Are you two an item?”. 38 of the funniest Russell Howard jokes All rights reserved. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners 100 best Christmas jokes and funniest festive season one-liners It’s a giraffe, mate. I’ve lost three days already. It was Wedgie Kray.
She complains about the high cost of living.
Reason being, things work.” – Henning When, “I’m learning the hokey cokey. A milk shake!
Used to take it to the pictures and that. A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, "How long have you been wearing that bra?" 12 BRUTAL one-liner insults that are WITTY and CLASSY! I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. 34 of the best Valentine’s Day jokes and funniest one-liners We don’t want your type in here.”.
I backed a horse last week at 10 to one. 31 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race? I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. I’m in a great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a year’s supply of Marmite – one jar.
Clean jokes, funny jokes, free jokes, and clean crime jokes and humor about cime, criminals, jailbreaks, and more. I said, ‘One minute I’m on the phone. He’s all right now.
50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners It came in at quarter past four.
Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.” – Sarah Millican, “My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. And that’s just in the hot dogs.” – David Letterman, “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. 41 of Stewart Francis’ most ingenious jokes and one-liners
Went to the doctors and said: “Have you got anything for wind?” He gave me a kite. Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. Well if that’s true, what do you think smoking cannabis does?” – Mickey P Kerr, “How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?…. Because they might peel! She said, ‘Two or three’.
38 of the funniest Ron Swanson quotes that made Parks and Recreation unmissable
I was having dinner with a world chess champion and there was a check tablecloth. Ground beef!
Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed.” – Josie Long, “The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.” – Demetri Martin, “I was in my car driving back from work.
He sent in 10 different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Not all of it. 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes The quicker the humor the more sharp it may be and the quicker at making us laugh! About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. 25 of Peter Kay’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners We couldn’t afford a dog.” – Gary Delaney, “Two fish in a tank. The world’s best comedians have said these sickest one liners. The barman says: “Oi – get out.
What did one plate say to the other plate?
Police One-Liners - Funny One-Liners Jokes.
I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldn’t find any.
Paul Merton’s 36 best jokes and funniest one-liners from Have I Got News for You 100 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. "When I was a girl, you could go out with a shilling and come back home with a dozen eggs, two pints of milk, a pound of bacon, half a pound of tea and a fresh chicken.
25 of Dara Ó Briain’s best jokes and funniest quotes Now I can ride a motorbike, how’s that going to help?” 105 of the best clean jokes and one-liners
The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did.
A field of corn. I hate necks.” – Steve Martin, “I have a lot of growing up to do. '” – Peter Kay, “I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. What has ears but cannot hear?
To the moo-vies! Are people around you getting on your nerves while you are wondering what to respond with as a comeback? (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera). That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap. I can hardly contain myself. It can only become stairs. 105 of the best bad jokes
Morons. The barman says: “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”, A jumplead walks into a bar. We could even take a leaf from their book, if nothing else. Burt Reynolds’ greatest quotes – remembering the actor’s wit and wisdom following his death aged 82 Are the smoggy-days in the Capital turning you into a person with zero tolerance for nonsense? Enjoy a wide variety of funny Christian jokes, good clean jokes, and family safe jokes and religious humor. An investigator! none. ", Two dyslexic bank robbers run into a bank shouting: "air in the hands mother stickers, this is a f*** up!".
A man entered a local paper’s pun contest. Editorial: Bihar desperately needs jobs and incomes.
It's a good story, but is it a joke? “Doc, I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass Of Home.” He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” I asked. 38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes So enjoy this collection of 80 funny one liners! I recently heard about a mannequin that lost all of his friends. 35 of Blackadder’s most cunning quips and insults
Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer’s 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes Your head hits the ceiling! It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.” – Joe Lycett, “My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. Clean Christian jokes, funny jokes, free jokes, and clean one-liner jokes and words of wit and wisdom. ‘Would you buy a second-hand car from this man?’ they asked. I’m on a whisky diet.
A skeleton walks into a bar.
I’m reading a horror story in Braille. 25 of Charlie Brooker’s most cutting jokes and insults If you have to force it it’s probably s***.” – Stephen K. Amos, “I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. I went to the doctors the other day and he said: “Go to Bournemouth, it’s great for flu.” So I went – and I got it. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
In that case, give me a Kyle!”. 12 BRUTAL one-liner insults that are WITTY and CLASSY! What do you call an alligator in a vest? 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland – from Scotland, 29 best Gavin and Stacey quotes and funniest jokes from James Corden and Ruth Jones’ comedy Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
50 football jokes to make you laugh – or groan I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything – trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
What do you call a cow on a trampoline? Why did the man run around his bed? 11 Best Comedian One Liners.
I can change.”. I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.” – Tommy Cooper, “A man walks into a chemist’s and says, ‘Can I have a bar of soap, please?’
Ice-T brings a special something to "Law & Order SVU."
How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed? The reception was brilliant. 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips I hardly ever visit Syria.” – Alex Horne, “A spa hotel? ‘Well he can take his hat off for a start!’” – Paul Merton, “Normally you have news, weather and travel. Well, in that case, here is why you should know about the classic insults that the British used to resort to. MEGA MORON AWARDS Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. Things got a little tense. The friend replies, "Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment. Enjoy a wide variety of funny Christian jokes, good clean jokes, and family safe jokes and religious humor. Are the smoggy-days in the Capital turning you into a person with zero tolerance for nonsense? He said: “Those are pickled onions.”. 41 of David Mitchell’s funniest jokes and quotes This vinegar’s got lumps in it”. 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 100 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny The best Graham Norton jokes and most scathing put-downs
50 of the best lines from Peep Show My colleague can no longer attend next week’s Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead. 49 of Monty Python’s funniest jokes When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. 20 of The Young Ones’ most gloriously silly quotes. Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, ... “Crime in multi-storey car parks. The chemist says, ‘Do you want it scented?’ You win the bronze, you think, ‘at least I got something.’ But you win that silver, that’s like, ‘Congratulations, you almost won! Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? 38 of the most darkly funny League of Gentlemen quotes Four fonts walk into a bar. The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes It was a shitzu. 26 of Sara Pascoe’s funniest jokes and quotes Here are 10 of the funniest jokes written by kids 30 of Stephen Fry’s funniest jokes and quotes Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms.” – Phil Wang, “If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been ‘It’s round. I find them quite re-markable.
26 of Stewart Lee’s most gloriously acerbic jokes
51 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding, I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.
The 31 funniest South Park jokes and quotes He was too clothes minded. And unlike us, who think of things to say hours after somebody made a jibe at us, these guys wasted no time. “It’s not unusual,” he replied. ‘Hey, if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock, “Love is like a fart. No one lost ahead of you!’” – Jerry Seinfeld, “We weren’t very religious. '” – Stewart Francis, “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us.
One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. He has 48 per cent of popular vote, Nutritionist suggests foods you should not eat before going to bed, iPhone 12: Five things you should try as soon as you set up your phone, Ramnath Goenka Excellence in Journalism Awards, Statutory provisions on reporting (sexual offenses), This website follows the DNPA’s code of conduct. 31 Richard Madeley quotes, gaffes and surreal moments that prove he truly is Alan Partridge 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier – Eric Lampaert.
I found out she was seeing someone on the side. If you've already finished watching the second season of Amazon Prime Video's crime thriller and looking for shows to fill the Mirzapur void, you're at the right place. 27 of Sarah Millican’s laugh out loud jokes 30 of Romesh Ranganathan’s funniest jokes and quotes I said: “Are you two an item?”. 38 of the funniest Russell Howard jokes All rights reserved. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners 100 best Christmas jokes and funniest festive season one-liners It’s a giraffe, mate. I’ve lost three days already. It was Wedgie Kray.
She complains about the high cost of living.
Reason being, things work.” – Henning When, “I’m learning the hokey cokey. A milk shake!
Used to take it to the pictures and that. A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, "How long have you been wearing that bra?" 12 BRUTAL one-liner insults that are WITTY and CLASSY! I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. 34 of the best Valentine’s Day jokes and funniest one-liners We don’t want your type in here.”.
I backed a horse last week at 10 to one. 31 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race? I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. I’m in a great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a year’s supply of Marmite – one jar.
Clean jokes, funny jokes, free jokes, and clean crime jokes and humor about cime, criminals, jailbreaks, and more. I said, ‘One minute I’m on the phone. He’s all right now.
50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners It came in at quarter past four.
Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.” – Sarah Millican, “My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. And that’s just in the hot dogs.” – David Letterman, “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. 41 of Stewart Francis’ most ingenious jokes and one-liners
Went to the doctors and said: “Have you got anything for wind?” He gave me a kite. Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. Well if that’s true, what do you think smoking cannabis does?” – Mickey P Kerr, “How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?…. Because they might peel! She said, ‘Two or three’.
38 of the funniest Ron Swanson quotes that made Parks and Recreation unmissable
I was having dinner with a world chess champion and there was a check tablecloth. Ground beef!
Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed.” – Josie Long, “The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.” – Demetri Martin, “I was in my car driving back from work.
He sent in 10 different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Not all of it. 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes The quicker the humor the more sharp it may be and the quicker at making us laugh! About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. 25 of Peter Kay’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners We couldn’t afford a dog.” – Gary Delaney, “Two fish in a tank. The world’s best comedians have said these sickest one liners. The barman says: “Oi – get out.
What did one plate say to the other plate?
Police One-Liners - Funny One-Liners Jokes.
I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldn’t find any.
Paul Merton’s 36 best jokes and funniest one-liners from Have I Got News for You 100 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. "When I was a girl, you could go out with a shilling and come back home with a dozen eggs, two pints of milk, a pound of bacon, half a pound of tea and a fresh chicken.
25 of Dara Ó Briain’s best jokes and funniest quotes Now I can ride a motorbike, how’s that going to help?” 105 of the best clean jokes and one-liners
The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did.
A field of corn. I hate necks.” – Steve Martin, “I have a lot of growing up to do. '” – Peter Kay, “I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. What has ears but cannot hear?
To the moo-vies! Are people around you getting on your nerves while you are wondering what to respond with as a comeback? (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera). That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap. I can hardly contain myself. It can only become stairs. 105 of the best bad jokes
Morons. The barman says: “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”, A jumplead walks into a bar. We could even take a leaf from their book, if nothing else. Burt Reynolds’ greatest quotes – remembering the actor’s wit and wisdom following his death aged 82 Are the smoggy-days in the Capital turning you into a person with zero tolerance for nonsense? Enjoy a wide variety of funny Christian jokes, good clean jokes, and family safe jokes and religious humor. An investigator! none. ", Two dyslexic bank robbers run into a bank shouting: "air in the hands mother stickers, this is a f*** up!".
A man entered a local paper’s pun contest. Editorial: Bihar desperately needs jobs and incomes.
It's a good story, but is it a joke? “Doc, I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass Of Home.” He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” I asked. 38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes So enjoy this collection of 80 funny one liners! I recently heard about a mannequin that lost all of his friends. 35 of Blackadder’s most cunning quips and insults
Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer’s 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes Your head hits the ceiling! It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.” – Joe Lycett, “My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. Clean Christian jokes, funny jokes, free jokes, and clean one-liner jokes and words of wit and wisdom. ‘Would you buy a second-hand car from this man?’ they asked. I’m on a whisky diet.
A skeleton walks into a bar.
I’m reading a horror story in Braille. 25 of Charlie Brooker’s most cutting jokes and insults If you have to force it it’s probably s***.” – Stephen K. Amos, “I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. I went to the doctors the other day and he said: “Go to Bournemouth, it’s great for flu.” So I went – and I got it. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
In that case, give me a Kyle!”. 12 BRUTAL one-liner insults that are WITTY and CLASSY! What do you call an alligator in a vest? 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland – from Scotland, 29 best Gavin and Stacey quotes and funniest jokes from James Corden and Ruth Jones’ comedy Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
50 football jokes to make you laugh – or groan I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything – trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
What do you call a cow on a trampoline? Why did the man run around his bed? 11 Best Comedian One Liners.
I can change.”. I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.” – Tommy Cooper, “A man walks into a chemist’s and says, ‘Can I have a bar of soap, please?’
